Blame It On The Rain...Not The Man

Greetings and Salutations,

As a man, I endure a great deal of crucifying and criticism from women. When I speak to female friends, I am often asked the proverbial, why do men cheat? Why do they treat women so bad? Why do men lie? Why is a good black man hard to find? My answers to them are simple. Most men do these things to you, because you allow it. Now, after this I may be labeled as a traitor to my gender, but I feel that in order to save the black man from constant ridicule and torture, and to help our black women, I must reveal some of the secrets that women, as smart as they are, don't seem to know. Which is funny, since they claim to know us so well.

In my past I have found myself being the big brother, cry on his shoulders, guy for quite a few women. I would rather not have been, but they sought comfort in me. All crying the same thing: "Why? I loved him." Well, that was your first mistake. What women fail to understand is that most men don't love with their heart. Women by nature are emotional beings, and men are physical. It's a fact. Don't believe me, ask your husband or boo, what first attracted him to you. He will try to not seem insensitive and say something like, your eyes, your hair, your walk. (Actually it was your butt, breast or looks). But it will more than likely be something physical about you that caught his eye. Your voice, your smell. Because quite honestly when a man first meets a woman, his first thoughts are usually about having sex with her. Ask a woman the same question and she will more than likely say, "well you looked very handsome in your suit that night, but I was really turned on by the way you carried yourself. You spoke well, you had a great sense of humor, and a wonderful attitude." Emotions.

And that, unfortunately, is what makes the most dominate being in the world, vulnerable. When you put your heart into something it hurts like hell when it ends, fails, or just plain ole disappoints. And most men use that to their advantage. When a man knows that he has a woman's heart, he knows he has her. It is not until the woman realizes that this man is not for her, and completely looses all sense of emotion for him, that she can walk away. Fellas realize that when a woman doesn't love them anymore, they are done. Think about it ladies, that man that had your heart, maybe your first love or your first, you felt like you couldn't live without him. You often caught him cheating, lying all the time, in some instances hitting you, and you still take him back. As soon as you woke up and got tired of his mess, seriously tired of it, walking away from you was as easy as breathing. No matter what he said, or did or how good the penis was, you could get up, wash, and leave as if it were nothing and not care about the girl passing you in the hall that was going to his apartment. That's emotion. That's a woman's strength and weakness. The emotional strength that could allow her to walk into the fiery pits of the man whose sex had completely turned her out, lay with him and leave without feeling nothing more than I got mine. And the emotional weakness that will have her crying after he came to her house, hit it, and left to go be with that other bitch. That is what will have you outside his job, hiding in his bushes, going to all his favorite spots, checking his phone, checking his computer, going through his wallet. A man on the other hand, when he has a beautiful woman that has turned him out, he can't get enough. Yeah, he may still go out and get others, but his heart is with you. But don't get it twisted, he may and more than likely will go out, men need variety at times. Chicken everynight can get boring. Because if he can get your fine behind, he definitely has the confidence to get somebody as fine or finer than you. It's in a man's nature to conquer as much as possible in as little time as possible whenever possible. Now I am only speaking for some men. Not necessarily all.

Example: a young lady I know started dating this boy. Prior to her meeting him, she was independent, self confident, and virginal. This young man used this to his advantage, the virginal part. After he got her to give him her heart he was able to transform her from a woman of substance to a woman of substance abuse. He did not want her to make herself pretty, i.e. make up, pedicures, manicures, etc, he had her believing that no one wanted her except him. And she started to believe that. She began comparing herself to the girls he was cheating with, believing that they were better than she was. She often said, "I can see why he wants her, she has this, and I don't, or she has that and I don't." He took her heart, broke her down, and used that to his advantage. He did several other things like, cheating, ruining her credit, keeping her away from her family, etc. However, she still can't find it in herself to leave him. She keeps using excuses like, "I don't want to inconvenience him, or put him out on the streets, he has no place to go. I love him. I can't stand to know that he is going to be with her if I leave." Then turns around and cries because he is leaving their house to go lay up with another girl at hers. This is the thinking of most women. Are you kidding me? Now to most he would be seen as the bad guy. And as true as it may be, however, who is really at fault? If I am a crackhead and you tell me to stay at your house and watch your stuff while you go out, then I in turn steal your television and pawn it, who is the fool? You knew I was a crackhead when you asked me to stay there. So am I wrong for doing what is expected of me? Or are you for giving me the opportunity?

Ladies, please stop bashing men for things you know and expect us to do. You congregate with your lady friends and talk about how trifling we are, but in reality, apparently, obviously, that's what you want. You have identified all the faults, admitted the problem but you go home and lay right next to this same man. And get mad when he wants to leave you. But, five minutes ago you said I was trifling and wasn't shit, but you don't want me to go? I've decided to no longer feel sorry for women. I refuse to. If you allow yourself to be mistreated than you deserve it. No real man would act this way. Women pray for good men, but they pass them along for the thug, that will dog them. Why? Because he hit the bottom? He keeps you in place? Honestly, that's the woman I want on the side, not the woman I want to marry. And I consider myself a good man.

Men it starts with you. You need to be a presence in your daughter's life. She needs to know that she does not have to depend on a man for comfort, support, or just for his presence. She needs to see that a man can love one woman and treat her like the queen she is. My younger brother has three daughters, and he tells them he loves them everyday, he tells them how beautiful they are, and that they don't need a man for anything. I admire him for that. When they grow up they won't have to rely on a man to tell them they are beautiful to make them feel special, they won't have to rely on a man saying he loves them to feel secure in their relationship. They will already know that. And that's what we as men need to do. No we aren't the blame for the mistakes that women make in relationships, but in a sense we are the source of the mistake.

However, that is not an excuse ladies. Never put anyone else's feelings above your own. Trust me he won't put yours first, if he did he wouldn't cheat. Depend on yourself to know you are beautiful. He may only tell you that to get some. Build yourself up financially and don't feel you have to use your finances to keep a man. A real man won't allow you to or need you to. Don't categorize all men in the same boat. True we are physical beings, but sometimes its the physicality that binds us emotionally. Realize that he may be hitting the bottom, but at the same time you have also taken all he can give, use it to your advantage for once. Take charge of the ship.

Bottom line: Ladies, don't say there aren't any good men in the world, if all you do is keep breast feeding boys.