While watching Tyler Perry’s best movie to date, "Why Did I Get Married?" (not saying the others weren’t entertaining,,but this one was more on the serious note). I digress, the movie had me thinking, why DID I get married? Not clear on the answer, I turned to Chris Rock who also shared the same dilemma as I. I THINK I love my wife. Hmm. No I KNOW I love my wife. Maybe. Definitely. Possibly. After almost five years of marriage, I sometimes lie next to my wife and wonder why did I get married? I was living the bachelor life with ease. The next thing I know, I’m in Florida, working for FedEx Kinko’s. A friend of mine and I were talking the other day and we were discussing this problem. Is it the fact that as an Aquarius I tend to not want to be in long term relationships, secretly wanting to dwell in the fantasy of being a 31 year old player, hopping from house to house, screwing chick after chick that will let me turn her from a woman of substance, to a woman of substance abuse? In this debate of the ever wanting to be single minds, we came to the conclusion that most men and women, are in love with the idea of being married, not marriage itself. As children we were taught, if you had decent parents, that you should go to school, get a good job, find a suitable mate, get married, and have 2 1/2 children. (That half one will need special attention).
So, as the decent ones, we try to live up to the lessons our sensai’s taught us. And after we secure the school, the job, sometimes the child, due to unforseen circumstances, we find that we are over 25, and still not married. Women, tend to then tolerate the mate they are currently with because they feel this is their last chance to get married, and they don’t want to be another single, unwed Baby Mama. So they deal with the cheating, lying, abuse, or whatever, in hopes of completing that final task, achieving that last medal, right before obtaining the GLOW! When you got that glow, you feel the...Sorry, Last Dragon memory.
FINALLY, he asks her to marry him. After 10 years of begging. They plan and have the big wedding, and 10 days later they are divorced, or she realizes that she just made the biggest mistake of her life. She was just in love with the idea of being married. Lulled into a falsehood of being with someone for the rest of her life, till death do you part. That was all well in fine, in the 50’s and 60’s. Then came the 70’s, the beginning of the end of monogamy and the death of us not being part.
As men, we sometimes feel that we just need to be married, either out of responsibility (kids), or obligation (she stayed around despite all the bullshit we put her through, or she helped us get to where we are today). So we break down, buy a cheap ring, (which she will take back later) ask her to marry us, and seem sincerely interested in the wedding plans, hoping we run out of money and the whole thing gets called off. BUT, somehow, that aunt, uncle, missing father, or hardworking mother who has been saving since the day she was born, mysteriously comes up with $10,000 to cover the wedding. We reach the bachelor party, forget there is a wedding the next day, then snap into reality when we fuck up and say "I Do." or "I will." Will what? Honor, cherish, in sickness and in health, TILL DEATH DO US PART! In front of God and all these witnesses.
Wow! They threw God in there, so now you have another obligation. We are talking an eternity here. Now it’s a month later, she is getting on your nerves, because she keeps you from going out with your boys, won’t let you watch the game in peace without asking, "hey why do they have to hit each other so hard?" Not wanting to give you Piece/Peace in either sense. All while your personal room is covered with lace curtains, paintings, and a rather nice chair that seemed to replace the comfortable recliner you had. You no longer have ME, its now WE, MY is now OURS, I is now US! We are sharing and compromising so much that we never stop to realize that the compromise and sharing is one sided.
It all seemed like such a good idea a year ago. So how can you end this without breaking the heart of the woman that has been loyal to you, or had your kids? Not to mention the razor blade carrying mother who put her whole life savings up for this little house party.
Now five years later we are sitting in a room, trying to find some solitude, some peace, or a piece, and ponder, "WHY THE HELL DID I GET MARRIED?" So why go through it in the first place? Why tell God and all the witnesses that you will devote your life to this person till death do you part. Suicide. Murder. Missing person. Sorry, mind wondering...It’s the fascination of having that big wedding, the moment being about you and her. The honeymoon to Hawaii, all the preparations, not realizing that we still have to live with this person after the glitz and glamour of the $10,000 house party decked out with ugly bridesmaids dresses, endless lines of the electric slide, waiting forever for the wedding party to arrive so we can eat, cutting the cake, the drunk toast from your best man, the beautiful sex filled honeymoon...Then it all ends. NOW the marriage begins.
Now if marriage was just the bachelor party, the wedding, and the honeymoon, marriages would be more popular and successful than ever before. But we get lazy after the week of uninterrupted screwing and loose the desire to put in the work that’s needed to actually make a marriage work. We still want to go out when we please, not answer to anyone, screw who we want, and be who we were as singles. Hence, marriages in today’s society are just momentary dream sequences, fantasies screwed up by the matrix, perfect scenes depicted by divorced or never married film directors, illusions if you will of what can be, but possibly will not be. It’s not Donna Reed, Mickey and Mallary, Harold and Maude, or even Ozzie and Ruby Dee, but what you make it. And sometimes, most of the time, we choose to make it a mess.
The solution: Wait until we retire, in our 60’s, tired of running around and REALLY ready to settle down. Then get married. Then the answer to the question, "Why did I get married?" Will be "Hell I’ve done everything else."
4 comments:
Wow,
That is definitely a question to ponder. For us singles, the question is "Why Do I Want To Get Married?" It takes a strong person to actually sit down and ponder this question, realize the answer and still want to get married. The answer has to be something spectacular I think. Security, love, not wanting to be alone...all of these things can be taken care of without marriage. Security- get your own job, love- the greatest love of my life, i'm not married to him, not wanting to be alone- I have a child and a dog. The answer I think that suffices is...I can't live without this person and the mere thought of not spending everyday with them literally makes my stomach hurt and cuts off my air supply. In that case I think you should get married and make it work.
That is how i'm gonna have to feel to do it, cause I ain't getting divorced.
Wow! So, do you really sit and ponder if you made a mistake by getting married? Is that a thought that most newlyweds often have? I've heard people say that it's not the marriage they are in love with, it's the idea of being married. When do those thoughts go away? Do they ever? If not, does that mean you should divorce because you really aren't in love with the person but the idea of marriage?
Damn that is it that serious. I recently did ask myself "Why do I want to get married" and decided that I don't not right now. I am not ready and am not sure if I want to marry the person I thought I wanted to marry. All things I guess you should be certain of before you get married so you don't have to come back and ask yourself why did I get married.
I do think alot of it is that we fantasize about the the idea of being married and jump in before we have had the opportunity to really live for ourselves and love ourselves. And if we haven't done that then some resentment generally lies just beneath the surface of an otherwise happy marriage. Leading to questions and doubts. I guess there is no real answer to this question, no cookie cutter response. You just have to be sure that if you do make the decision to jump that broom that it is really what you want to do. Clear up any doubts before hand. If it ain't right it ain't right. What I won't do is get married just to make everyone else happy. Ultimately its my happiness and my future husbands happiness that matters.
I think everyone who is married or about to get married has asked themselves that question. I knew I was ready when she was all I could think about. I also lost that urge to run the streets and plunder (lol) I think everyone knows when they have found the one.
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